So, this movie is about a man named Brian played by Bradley Cooper, who apparently has been divorced for a long time and worked in Afghanistan. Ten years back, he knew of a bombing about to happen but didn't report it because he wanted to die that way, and he didn't. Now back in Hawaii and around his divorced wife and two kids, one of which videotapes everything in hopes of discovering the alien race or whatever, and another is at conflict for if Brian is the actual father of his divorced wife's daughter, and it's as uninteresting as the characters make it seem, I'm afraid. Cooper ends up with a committed pilot named Allison NG, who's so positive and independent that she keeps putting up with Cooper's pessimism. And when she all of a sudden gets into his old life; family and memories and all...yeah, that's how it goes. The only thing that's mildly original is how he works for a slum dog millionaire Carson Welch played by Bill Murray.
Now, I have nothing against Bradley Cooper himself. I've just...not been a fan of the movies he signs up for. I loved him as Rocket in Guardians of the Galaxy, but he starred in American Hustle. Hated. American Sniper. Hated. This. Hated. Sorry, Mr. Cooper. But if you have made another movie for a seventeen-year old like me, I'm all ears. Aloha begins with one of the most tedious openings I've seen in quite a while, performing a Hawaiian song that would be better off for a lullaby than a Hollywood soundtrack and gives off black-and-white footage of what looks like a combination of the 1969 moon arrival and the 1986 rocket explosion. And throughout the movie, I kept wondering how this movie would pick up, be about something plausible or something not fully forgettable, apart from the gorgeous landscapes which were, well, gorgeous but had nothing to do with the actual screenplay. I kept wondering and wondering, thinking that maybe it could pick up with this side story about sending a rocket into space for Wi-fi or whatever, or when Brian and Allison head up to this creepy and protective Hawaiian village for a meeting, but I'm afraid because of the weird relationship without chemistry, Bradley Cooper's constant mumbling and the inability to be even a little entertaining, I'm afraid that if my mom who was paying much more attention to this movie than me was not there to explain things, I would have understood zilch. I ended up walking away after an hour and ten minutes.
Now, Emma Stone gives a perfect performance in Aloha as this Captain NG, but it's too depressing to imagine all the other movies this woman could've been in this year.