So, Kingsman: The Secret Service is directed by Matthew Vaughn and stars a newcomer named Taron Egerton, a name in which I just had to Google for this review. He lives the sort of life I imagined Carl Donovan of Escape from Furnace had before he was sent to prison (okay, maybe I'm attached to the Escape from Furnace main characters too much, I keep pointing them out.) But he has a mother with an abusive boyfriend played by an unidentifiable Luke Skywalker. Then at a bar, after messing with an enemy's car to the point of arrest, he is met by a man named Harry played by Colin Firth (of Nanny McPhee and Pride and Prejudice) who recruits Eggsy, Egerton's character, into the toughest and most dangerous job interview ever; to become a kingsman. Meanwhile, Samuel L. Jackson's character and his painfully (well, okay, not painfully, but laughably bad) bad lisp as well as his blade of a sidekick are about to release these fantastic cell phones. Maybe, too fantastic. Could this be a job for the Kingsman?
Now, my family and I saw this for Movie Night months before, and I was going to review it earlier but I was too much in conflict with myself for the score. And this is from the director of the first Kick-Ass movie. I admit, I had fun with that movie, though it was far, and very far, from flawless. The second film however, was given a new director, and made everything, as I said, more appreciative. So when I found out who directed this new film I was kind of intrigued. And during the film, my family seemed to laugh, surprise, happily predict and gasp at all of the blood and guts. I'll warn you that a character gets sliced in half but I personally thought it was unpredictable and shivering. And that's what each set of humour is all about; the action scenes bringing something new to the clouded up genre. There are so many different stunts and fun arrays of weapons it's like slapstick. Matthew Vaughn's biggest flaw in the movie though, is not the villains; they're good, menacing enough, and have an evil plan that is evil and also has a sense of humour. It's the story when things fall apart entirely. And then drown in quicksand. Like, this is gonna spoil the whole first two thirds of the movie, but it involves testing. And the testing involves fakeouts of every cruel sort. It really all is a head-shaker, for me anyway, and a wonder as to if any organiztion can sink to the level Kingsman does with it's recruits. DESPITE the amazing effects, some of the stuff they give is unforgiving. One thing they did, they let me forgive it but I was close to missing it because of that bad lisp, and I guess I'll spoil one tiny thing, but it's not tiny. The rulers set up a scenario in which the recruits think they'll be run over by a train unless they say who runs Kingsman. They Think! Well, I'll give you an answer. An organization that almost drowns you and scares you to point-near death is not an organization worth dying for! That one scene screams an "F" every time I think of it.
And I was close to giving it a whack-or-gun grade despite the tremendous action, but I didn't because of the parts where it nears completion. This film has a spectacular third act, but before that, I was screaming: "This could've been Kick-Ass 3, but it's really like a crappy James Bond bore." What a third act, I must say. It actually recites a line from The Blacktop Brothers 3 similarly, and before you call a lawyer to accuse me of forgery, I wrote that section like, 5 months before the movie came out, so I kind of beat them, but I was kind of happy to hear it. Near it, there's a death scene, and I should've been upset however, but simply shrugged. There were also some funny lines, one was "Happy Meal", another was a repeated one involving a beer, another was one involving a pug. My sister loved that, she loves dogs, especially pugs. It's kind of a long story. But you know what else is a long story? Explaining to yourself or your kids that this isn't, or shouldn't be, how life works.