This would be Star Wars Episode III.V, as in 3.5. In Star Wars Episode IV, during the famous first opening, it mentioned rebels stealing plans towards the Death Star. After forty years of people probably wondering how that went down, we have our answer. Meet Jyn Urso, a girl whose parents were taken away from her at an extremely young age, in different ways but kind of by the same person, who, no surprise, has affiliations with Darth Vader. But anyway, you already know the goal of the film; Jyn and a team have to break into a gigantic fortress in a planet completely harbored by Storm Troopers and the Star Nazis to send blueprints and instructions to the rebels on how to destroy their most powerful weapon, The Death Star, and Jyn thinks she knows what it'll take.
So was I impressed as the movie started? Uh...honestly, not really. The movie starts off a kicker introducing us to Jyn as a little kid and shows us she's basically a homeless who's in jail and refuses to be a part of any rebellion whatsoever, but there was still something missing. It was when G arrived that things got better. A 3PO-like robot with some positively extravagant one-liners. And other than Jyn and Cassian, did I remember any of the names of the other rebels or side characters? Sadly, no. But I remembered a lot of their characteristics, especially the blind Chinese dude. He steals every scene he's in, not because he's handsome but because he's so good at dodging lightsabers and lasers from those lightsabers that he can make the whole movie seem cartoonish for a little while, and it rocks!
Still, the movie is occasionally slow and sometimes just...there on the screen. One thing I was confused about was this decision Cassian makes concerning someone who's very important to Jyn, and I was actually praying it would turn out okay for this character, all the while me being confused about what side he was on. But the movie still finds chances to take advantage of its own slow run, with Jyn giving an inspirational and completely truthful speech about how rebellions are built on hope. I'm not going to forget that anytime soon. Not to mention the big battle feels very realistic.
And you know? I was kind of surprised how far they took this premise. But after a while, it became sort of tedious and actually sort of depressing, and I couldn't help but wish a different approach was taken, and one where I felt was possible. What they do is actually a kind of weakness and strength simultaneously, doing stuff that the Star Wars universe has never seen before and has a feel of the realism of war and yet I wasn't entirely transported the same way the other Star Wars movies did. It also didn't help I was squirming in my seat for a large portion of the movie and it was sometimes too predictable and repetitive.
In the end, I'm giving a positive grade to Rogue One, but I'm probably not going to watch this again and The Force Awakens is 20 times better! I think it's worth seeing once for all it tries to do, like the way it goes is kind of inevitable.